Friday, November 10, 2006

Daphnia

Another Sparrow Girl Story - Daphnia

Just finished this one today.

daphnias

Excerpt:
After we had moved to our second apartment in Hoogvliet, and my father had finished his studies, we suddenly started collecting pets. We had a dog, Cerbie (Cerberus) since I was about two, a half chow half wolf puppy, ferocious to others but my very best friend. Dogs are the sort of friends only children value above all others. I could dress him up in clothes or endlessly throw the ball or a stick. Because of his fierce loyalty to my well being I could go anywhere in the neighbourhood if I took the dog. The dog was a given, he was family, not really a pet.

What was new was my father's self indulgence of collecting up birds and fish. The first bird was Oliver a handed down canary my dad brought home from work one day (for mom, said he, but...), It was a lovely yellow bird with a ring of black around his little head like the hairlines of a Franciscan monk.

Read the whole story at www.sparrows.wordpress.com or http://aletta.org/Sparrowweb20.shtml

My dolls


I have them stil, from the left, Keesie, a doll given to me by mams to get me used to the idea I might have a little brother. I was six and I ended up with a little sister. Then there is Maggie, she was given me when I was two for St. Nicolas, except for a broken thumb, she is a mint doll made before plastic. Then there is Jamaika, made from one of my father's old corderoy pants. The clothes are not original, every few years I feel compelled to dress them up again.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Last Dance

to put away again
Some years ago I had to decide to stop dancing, rather than allow my health to downgrade my dancing I would stop before humiliating myself in front of an audience. I've not worn pointe shoes since that day, not even in private.

slipperback1

I took the last pair of pointe shoes, took them for one last spin and cast one of them into the garbage bin and left the studio. It was gutwrenching. The other of the two slippers I have kept, tucked away in my clothes closet.

slipperfront1

Today I took my old friend out of the closet and we sat a while, thinking of old times, the times when I could fly. The ribbon was loosened and the shoe placed on the foot. It still fits, but without a mate I cannot take it for a ride. So with a sigh, the ribbon is tucked around the heel again and the shoe after one more portrait, was put out of sight again.

portrat of an old friend

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Added more Sparrowgirl Stories on my Website

images by aletta mes 2006

I have a new page of sparrow girl stories "Bandages and Red Tulips" and "Tonnie's Yellow Dress" at http://aletta.org/sparrowweb3.shtml

images by aletta mes 2006

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Midnight from my hospital window

"Get in quietly"


Tall sails by day
orange and red wings
weave on the wind
A training class of tiny boats circle
dolphins play by the jetty

Midnight
pandanus fronds wave
as ghosts
launch canoes into moonlight

Ancestral tribes
slip quietly onto the water
this river welcomes shadows

Hidden voices
but the watcher
listening
knows the rhythm

Dolphins play by the jetty
old man hunches in a dinghy
his line trolling behind
He and the watcher
alone in the dawn

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Sparrow girl - Oome Leen and the Whatjemecallits

images aletta mes 2006



Just every few months a big old Citroen would come around to pick us up. I thought it had the be the most beautiful automobile on the planet. It was a nineteen hundred and forty something limousine, of Italian descent, probably Mussolini had one quite similar. It was black and a bit intimidating, but then all cars from the forties were large and most often black. It was unusual only in that it was large in a country full of little cars, little cars which were most often not black. also this car came for us, with a chauffeur, now if that was not impressive, I can't think what would be.


Of course, I was quite aware the entire neighbourhood had their eyes fixed on the spectacle of my family, mom, dad and myself, fully doffed up. Imagine what stories they must have made up to suite the spectacle. Perhaps they thought my mams, the opera singer, was called to a command performance with the queen?


No matter what day of the week it was it called for Sunday shoes, the Italian red ones. How blessed was I not to have to wear the dreaded dark brown orthopedic shoes. I brought my dollies with me. My mams had made them both from cast off clothing, they were quite beautiful. The darker doll's name was Jamaica and the light coloured one was Sunny, each fit in one pocket of my coat or in summer they were carried in my straw Easter basket.


The best part of the day was still to come. Hard to imagine topping a ride in a limousine with a chauffeur, but I knew the day was just beginning to warm up. There was the spectacular ride through the countryside, farm upon farm, small town after small town. Every season had it's own wonderful colour scheme, and my father was excitedly pointing out all the interestingnes around, every bird, flower and tree had a name. Actually they had two names, one in dutch and another in Latin. The Dutch names were often funny, while the Latin names were melodic and fascinating because I did not know what they meant though sometimes there was a familiar sound not unlike the dutch name.


After about an hour's ride we pulled into a driveway of little rocks, pink little rocks. Each visit I would find the nicest of these rocks and take it home. To me they were as glorious as a diamond. At the end of the well-wooded driveway stood a rather unassuming, though large house of red brick and wood painted cleanly in white. Across from the house stood a large wooden barn, a very well maintained barn. conspicuously there were no barnyard animals though otherwise it looked every bit like a large farmhouse. the front door opened as soon as the car pulled up and a large boned woman stood in the door frame, wearing a pretty flowered cress and overtop a crisp white lace apron. This was not the housekeeper but the lady of the house, my Great Aunt. As we got out of the car and walked toward the steps into the house the delightful fragrance of freshly baked breads and pastries teased my nose.


Certainly the breads and pastries were for us, we were the only guests and the table was already set. As lovely as the prospect of having a lunch was I eagerly looked for another familiar sight, my Great Uncle Leen. Oome Leen was a large man with and even larger moustache. One could marvel at how the man could even stand fully upright with a moustache quite as big as that. He dressed the same always, in a large white shirt neatly closed with a beautiful silk tie in colours that one rarely saw, certainly not on a man his age. He wore neatly pressed pants and depending on the weather he'd have on rubber galoshes or wooden shoes. I expect he had leather shoes for churchgoing but I did not see him ever wearing them. Outside of these visits I never saw Oome Leen, he was one of those sociable hermits.


He'd come by a small fortune when he sold a particularly lucrative invention of his, the mechanism to interrupt and redirect telephone calls. Before that he was a repairman, of clocks mostly, but if it was mechanical it held his interest. We all in my father's side of the family have a tendency to tinker and problem solve. For a Mes to enter adulthood it was necessary to fix a clock or build a great contraption of note. My father took it to new heights with his Atomic Mass Absorption Spectrograph. My great-grandfather made cameras and clocks.


Oome Leen lived to invent and tinker. His wife did not share his love for things mechanical, above all she loved her clean stately home. Having Oome Leen build contraptions of all kinds on the dining room table and indeed, throughout the house, to hear her tell it was not acceptable. Ultimately it was put to him that either the contraptions would go or she would. As mentioned, she did keep and immaculate house and could bake the most wonderful breads and pastries so he was no doubt torn between the two. It was quite a dramatic time, stories had his wife trowing his contraptions at his head, though I doubt that, they really were in love, anyone could clearly see it. Thus a middle ground was found and the barn became his primary place of residence, so he could work day and night on his contraptions and the house would be free of them. The barn contained everything important, the contraptions, tools a bed and a wood burning stove for comfort. His meals were taken in the house and the two attended church together as a proper couple would.


Oome Leen no longer needed to worry about making money, the patent had kept them earning a living no matter what, his work was purely for the joy of it, and the projects he worked on were for fun and occasionally profit. I loved the contraptions, especially the ones that he would build just to amuse his niece. first lunch would be served and the cook would be praised and hugged, over and over, meanwhile sampling all she had lovingly made until my belly felt stretched to capacity. My parents would help tidy up after the meal and my uncle would beckon me to follow him to the barn.


Sitting on a large table in the middle of the barn sat his latest amusement, and amusement built quite specifically to entertain his young niece. I would step up to where the big button was and giggling with excitement I smacked to button down and the button made a bell ring. from that second a meticulously orchestrated series of events would unfold before my eyes. Little men would cycle across wires, little wooden birds would flap their wings, everywhere creatures were walking, sliding, flapping, balloons would inflate, just the most wonderfully intense happenings running from the centre of the barn up, over, around and back again, and never was it the same two visits in a row. He would throw back his head when it was all done and laughed heartily, I would get to keep a small piece of it (like a little wooden bird) to take home as a memento. He showed me the cause and effect mechanisms that made it work, each time he would let me make some small contraption with him.


Then my Great aunt would call out from the house that supper was ready. Shortly after supper we would be taken home. On my way home, while clutching the memento, I would recount the day's contraption to my parents until mid-sentence I would fall fast asleep. As if by magic I would awaken the next day, no idea how I ended up in my bed, but I knew it was all real as real as the wooden bird in my hand.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

More from the prairie schoolhouse

At 3:30

An empty box its sawdust
spilling
evidence

Windows opened wide against the pong
that scent
of small boys' wet moccasins
wood smoke chalk and a fart or two

The world a cracked globe,
swings from the ceiling
Faded paper hollyhocks twist
in their orange jar

The alphabet fringe on the green blackboard
is missing letters g, m and capital T
Four stools legs up pose on the red table
a tin mug of cocoa dumping sludge
three crumples of paper stuck in it

On the lowest shelf
six worn readers
two torn copies of “The Wind in the Willows”
a golliwog, a teddy
and twelve shiny new copies
of “Jim and Judy Go to the City “

And on the board
in fourteen forbidden colours
Teddy Melanchuck’s name

Saturday, May 20, 2006

On the lighter side where one wears moccasins

Memory treds
over the hard snow of my childhood
high above the summer road

the white rabbit and I
make faint tracks on the surface

I wear my pointed parka
breath freezing in long lynx fur
My mittened hands can scarcely hold the rope

I tug the reluctant cow toward the trough
The well is deep

I’ll have to break
ice around the plunger
blue water rises from the deep stream

The cow drinks, her warm breath
mingles with mine in a white plume

The cow trots back to her warm barn
while I make an angel on the bank

Friday, May 19, 2006

Winter night

Another week has flown
a week of memory
twelve years ago the wind storm blew tiles from the roof
the glass pane broke and rolled across the yard
you slept

You always sleep the night
as though still a boy in a hammock on the sea
a sailor content to be warm and wrapped

while I lie awake and listen
fear
and see all the torn buildings
drifting away

The dream I feared most

On the Ending of History

I saw the headless torso
a green giant
against a fence
hurtle something
across a field of poppies

and he laughed
and I laughed
and he laughed

"In the beginning was the word"
and at the end
of civilizations
remains the word
until at the last
there are no readers
no more division of genes
no one to dig
or count
the bones

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Starting Out

Em and I send Fitz's back and forth ...

often we take a line as a seed and respond --
many unpublishable here.

seed: passion's best when it is shared

I am called to wonder
once again …
if passion is possible if not shared,
else what is it for?
a pastoral scene, and flower’s blush,
a sunrise triumph, a fountain’s song …


These give but a moment’s heady rush,
while the chance to share them with you,
giving prance to step,
and wings to closing space.


Friday, April 28, 2006

Blocked

It has been difficult to write anything for the last few days. Someone close to me is in the hospital, we are not sure how things will turn out and we are afraid.

Conversely, I learned of a change in my work situation that I have been hoping would come to pass. I am extremely pleased with this change.

In the past, I would journal intense feelings; that is, I would write page after page, sometimes about those feelings and sometimes not (just for the escape that writing provides). However, I just cannot get writing these last few days. Perhaps it is the polarity of feeling-- joy versus worry and fear. I feel so fractured and unfocused. Words are not coming; images are not coalescing into art.

But I made a vow to myself that I would write something or create an art piece every day, no matter how brief or small. The best I have been able to do these last few days is jot brief comments on others' works or recycle some of my old artwork.

So, now, as I have done in times past, when I am too blocked to write, I write about the block. At least it gets a few words flowing.

L Gloyd (c) April 28, 2006

Red Shoe Tragedy

Red Shoe Tragedy
By Philosophical Phyl

I remember seeing the movie, The Red Shoes, as a child and finding it disturbing and frightening. In my mind’s eye, there is the picture of blood on white ankles in red toe shoes. Not wanting to look it up on Google right now, I’d rather think about memory and its effects.

A train was involved, I believe, in the accident that killed the dancer in the red shoes. Her face and the rest of her body are a blur, but the bloody feet are in clear focus. The pain she felt when the train ran over her (if it did) must have been excruciating. To this day, I cringe when remembering that picture. Also I remember her dancing long and hard, then taking off the shoes to reveal bloody and damaged feet, foreshadowing the tragic end.

The film took place in Europe (Paris?) and the plot followed the life of the dancer as she danced and loved. Did she commit suicide? Did her lover reject her? How terrible it is that some people kill themselves when rejected. However, many have done just that. There is the young man who coming home to a “Dear John” letter, hangs himself. I knew of such a tragic case.

So the vision of the bloody red shoes remains a sad reminder that love may bring great pain as well as great joy. And I wonder why some images remain in the brain dozens of years after they were first seen. Do the horrific pictures dominate?

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Reflecting

I don't know about any autobiography,
as I am 'not done yet' by far --
but am writing more about 'how to do',
rather than 'what to do'.

I have reached that point where
a simple question of, "what do you think about...?"
produces a book of 300 pages,
or a short poem --
which you may prefer.

but, things like this keep falling out ...

Wisdom Now

When all is said and done, which it never is –
methinks that seeking wisdom is the calling
to which one should aspire and caress each day.
Yet, so many are caught up in ‘just get by’,
and sifting through society’s constant drivel
that knowledge is gained vicariously,
if at all – that is, go beyond believing.

Even acquiring knowledge takes a bit of work,
and it is often easier to just accept
another’s opinion or repeat gossip
as some profound gospel of relevant truth.
‘Knowing’, of course, requires integration
of nurtured values and congruent reason –
neither of which seem to be in great supply.

So, we are conditioned to appreciate
mumbled platitudes and claimed authority
as substitute for being wise from practiced arts;
while ‘hurry-scurry’ pretends to be ‘doing’,
and ‘gimmee more’ masquerades as living.
Who needs wisdom anyway – you might even ask,
given uncertainty over being well tomorrow?

Entropy may be a fearful certainty,
and fouling our earthly nest a greedy claim,
and faith in anything hardly cause for action;
beyond worshipping entertainment idols,
and anyone who will ‘do it for you’ for a price.
Yet, all of that is a matter of choosing –
and ‘who you are’ the only thing the matters..

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Precipice

Precipice

I am afraid of high places. I only tolerate them if there is glass pane to keep me from falling or a railing I can grip. I don’t like window seats on planes, and I even get dizzy when I stand on a street corner and look upwards towards the tops of skyscrapers.

I am not certain where this fear originated. I remember when I was young, maybe about 4 or 5, my grandfather, who liked to fish, took my sister and I down to the pier. I remember he picked me up and held me partway over the railing to see the ocean. He meant no harm but I had not expected him to pick me up and it terrified me. However, I’m still not sure if this was the cause of my fear, since it did not seem to have an effect on me when my friends and I would go to amusement parks as a teenagers to ride the biggest, scariest roller coasters we could find. This fear of high places seems to have come on later as an adult and gradually, over the years.

I have read that the fear of falling from high places is caused by a feeling of helplessness, the feeling of being out of control. I suspect that this may be the case for me. As I get older, I am becoming more and more insecure about a lot of things, primarily about what the future will hold, personally or globally. Will I be able to live well when I retire? Will I be able to live at all?

We live in a world where we encounter much to make us feel out of control: war, shifting global weather patterns, civil unrest, terrorism, and all the rest. Indeed, we are all standing on a precipice and the view is frightening.

L Gloyd (c) April 25, 2006